Mitch Albom wrote a book called The Little Liar. I’m reading it today and read a passage where the boy Nico is attending a wedding. Now this is in the 1930s or 40s and he asks his grandfather what is over the bride’s face. He replies it is a veil, and her mother had worn a veil, and the mother before her. The grandfather asks, “When we do something today, they did thousands of years ago, do you know what that makes us?” The boy replies, “Old?” Through laughter the grandfather says, “Connected. Tradition is how you know who you are.” Wise words Mitch Albom!
My Aunt Jane started to make a flag cake every patriotic holiday. We all had our specialties. My mom’s potato salad and cole slaw, Aunt Gert’s dip. Hamburgers, hotdogs. My family’s tradition. Oh, and we always wore red, white and blue. Prepping was half the fun and even though the food was gone in twenty minutes, the tradition continued. And continues. Now my Aunt Jane and mom are gone. But in different states, everyone makes Aunt Jane’s Flag cake. Cousins, siblings share pictures of their creations, teach new generations and inlaws how to create one and generally feel a connection no matter how far apart they are.
My first Christmas after marriage, around December 8th, Elmer came for me the first time. My Mother-in-law had discovered him one magical morning at her home. Elmer was the original elf, before elf on a shelf, who brought Christmas decorations out of storage. And Elmer left a small trinket for each child…gloves, scarf, a hat. And each child would find his own Elmer sitting atop his gift. My first Elmer had me BEAMING!! I loved him! I loved it! And Elmer would go back into hiding to come again when other decorations came out. The year before my mother-in-law died, our Elmers were retired. My husband found his original Elmer from 1958, the beard frayed and torn, packed lovingly in a box. But the tradition continued. Elmer…NOT THE ELF ON THE SHELF, still comes to our house. I loved the tradition. I still do. And I felt connected!
Connection and history are important to move along your path. Even at the workplace. Our hospice chaplain created a Blessing of the Hand ceremony for the hospice workers. We would have quiet ceremonies where the hospice staff would have water poured on their hands with a blessing. This tradition continued. It gave acknowledgement that we shared a like commitment and connection. No matter what the journey, we had a commonality.
And connections can follow you as you walk your own road. Every year, my hospice coworkers from a prior hospice meet at a friends house for a pool party. We all bring food. We bring wonderful stories and sad stories about our friends who’ve left us too soon. And while we are all different ages, races, sexual orientations, political parties and religions, it all melts away to these wonderful, connected human beings happy to be together. We keep getting older, but our hearts are together. Connected. We know who we are.
About a year ago I asked my late teen, early twenties nieces and nephews what their favorite traditions were. Some replied our Christmas dinner, others the family Thanksgiving Turkey Bowl. Mine was our Family Christmas Tea. What makes them favorites? Family and loved ones, special foods…plain or fancy. Joy. Delight. Wonder. Connection.
So celebrate your traditions. Make them special. Wear your Christmas pins, set your tables, fix your best foods. Celebrate the connections that we love. And the connections that make us family, friends, people. And help us know who we are.
Walking Each Other Home 