Retirement in 2023 was a new beginning for me! I retired with three goals. One was to delve more deeply into prayer, to find my way and my answers. I’d always “fit prayer in” to my life. Now I resolved to take time to explore my faith. My second goal was to develop a program to help healthcare workers, clergy and others understand compassionate care of the dying. In thoughts, words and actions. My last goal was to explore things I thought would be fascinating. Things like why manners were not so important, why traditions had gone by the wayside and what happens to Catholics after confirmation. I know, crazy!!! Not everything has worked out on my timing, but as with all else, what a life!!
Lent is coming to an end and Holy Week begins. What a journey! I started Lent with some surprising health issues which challenge my independence, my mobility and my future. For a year after I retired, I found my motivation less than I’d thought. I look back and think I was recovering from working for 47 years in nursing. Burnout? Disillusionment? Depression? Who knows. The only thing I’d started was my faith journey. Thank God as it’s helped me on this road.
I was a “publicer.” One who went to public school versus Catholic School. I went to catechism in the early 60’s when Baltimore Catechism was taught and continued into CCD, post Vatican II where we studied the meaning of “Bridge over Troubled Water.” My sister went to Catholic High School, and I thought I wanted to go to her school too.” Another good choice. I loved all the girls, uniforms, and lifetime friendships. Nuns became real, sacraments had meaning. I’d never learned the rosary and taught myself. I bought the little blue book and struggled to make sure I had the right beads for the right prayers. I was introduced to mysteries. Hmmm.
My mom faithfully said her rosary every night. She’d wake with the rosaries beside her in bed. One day I asked her what her favorite mysteries group was. She answered, “Mysteries!? What do you mean mysteries?” Oh boy. I explained the Joyous, Glorious and Sorrowful Mysteries and she had no idea. She just knew she was praying to Mary for intercession. I began to look at the mysteries to tell me the story of Christ. Birth to death. Meditating on the meaning. Of course, as you start it is hard and time consuming. Never time. One day I found that the hospice pastoral counselor told me prayed her rosary in her car on her way to work! Great idea and I found a cassette tape, yes a cassette tape, to help me.
My retirement plan was to attend or stream daily mass. To pray for the people I had on my list, for the dead and the sick. To pray to St. Gertrude for the holy souls in purgatory. And to say the rosary. And this lent, I’ve said the Sorrow Mystery Rosary every day. I used the Hallow app and they identify the name of the rosary and the fruit, or gift, praying the rosary.
The first sorrowful mystery is The Agony in the Garden. Christ goes to the garden and prays for his upcoming sufferings and crucifixion. The fruit is sorrow for sin. This is one of my favorite mysteries to contemplate. Every test I’ve had this year; every challenge I’ve met I see myself in the garden. The sin? Not sure yet. But I want to surrender to the will of God and give him my challenges. Perhaps this is my garden. The apostles that fell asleep may be those who forget what is happening to you. Well meaning, but not always aware. I’ve been there for sure.
The second sorrowful mystery is The Scourging at the Pillar. Christ is beaten for proclaiming his role. The fruit is purity. Hmmm again. Purity. Is Christ scourged because he holds to his faith? Is pure to his faith and plight? How can I be pure to my faith? Do I support the tenets? Do I trust in God? Well, I will try. But that is still a road for me to pursue. I always pray for the pure in my life. The children and young. Those who trust without question.
The third sorrowful mystery is The Crowning with Thorns. A crown of thorns is woven and placed painfully on the head of Christ. Now Christ has been beaten and humiliated. Many would give in and beg for mercy. He keeps going. The fruit of this mystery is Moral Courage. I love striving for this. Courage to stand up for your beliefs. My husband is such a wonderful voice for life, regardless of who is listening. And I hope me advocating for a natural death when cure is no longer able is my moral courage. Those who stand for their moral beliefs.
The fourth sorrowful mystery is The Carrying of the Cross. Jesus carries his cross. Tired and with far to go, he slowly makes way to crucifixion. The fruit of this mystery is patience. Ahh patience. Have I been patient lately waiting for my test results. Can I carry my cross differently, perhaps with more trust in the will of God. Many carry crosses. Do they weigh more than mine? Is it all relative?
The final sorrowful mystery is The Crucifixion. Jesus is crucified and lives for 3 hours, tormented and tortured. Even in his pain and weakness he completed God’s plan. The fruit of this mystery is perseverance. Jesus cries out “why have you Forsaken me? But not My will but Yours.” Wow. For us. So when I tire and question where am going with my health; when I look at the limitations, I look at the fruits. The fruits of humility and gratitude. Loving those around me sharing their fruits. It helps me persevere in my pursuits of health and my pursuits of a deeper faith.
Hopefully you’ve discovered food for thought too. I am thankful for all those walking with me on this journey of discovery and of love. We are just walking each other home. Let’s keep going.
Walking Each Other Home 